Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway!
They say feel the fear and do it anyway. But for a lot of people it just isn’t that simple. And many of my clients have very good reasons for feeling that fear. The majority of these clients that experience anxiety, have this as a result of bad falls in the past. More than a couple of them have had particularly traumatic experiences, including multiple broken bones and visits to hospital.
The very fact that these people are still willing to put their foot back in the stirrup, and swing their leg over a horse, is an act of valor in itself. I consider it a huge honour and feel so privileged to be trusted to help them get back to riding. Progress doesn’t come easy for most of them though, and the thing that I have come to admire the most is the fact that they keep turning up. That they are unwilling to let the demons win.
Anxiety and fear are crafty foes that we all must face at different times in our lives, and sometimes they can sneak up on us unexpectedly. At other times we can see them coming a mile away, and we get to play the upcoming battle over and over in our minds for a long time before we have even entered the battlefield.
To a trained soldier this can be an invaluable preparation for war, and to the athlete who can control their mind, it is often the difference between winning and losing. But to those of us just going about our daily lives, it can be the thing that hits us from our blind side. Totally debilitating us with its unexpected attack.
In my early twenties, when breaking in horses, I would always struggle to put my foot into the stirrup, in order to get on a horse that was to be ridden for the first time. After all when you leave the ground, you are putting yourself at the mercy of this crazy creature that you had tied your saddle to. You never know what to expect, and the fears and anxiety find fertile ground, growing with amazing vigor in your mind.
In my case, it wasn’t that the doubts weren’t warranted, some of the wrecks that I took over the preceding years were pretty spectacular, in my mind at least. Then there was the memory of my time at Ag college, when I was breaking a mare in for an assessment, and every day for a week she would throw me in a heap on the ground.
It seemed that she was always able to take me by surprise. But I eventually got her rode, however the instructor, those watching and myself, all had our doubts about who was going to win that war. Months later though, I was riding her mustering and I ended up in hospital when she surprised me again. When I look back at it though, I have to call our battles together a draw.
I guess that what I am trying to say here, is that we all carry our emotional baggage with us every day. And in those bags we carry an endless supply with which we are able to feed our fears and the anxiety demons when they pop up in front of us. It reminds me of the following story, which I have taken from the website of clinical psychologist, Nicole Poell PSY.D. -
The Original Cherokee Story of Two Wolves
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life: “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. ”It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “If you feed them right, they both win. You see, if I only choose to feed the white wolf, the black one will be hiding around every corner waiting for me to become distracted or weak and jump to get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and always fighting the white wolf. But if I acknowledge him, he is happy and the white wolf is happy and we all win. For the black wolf has many qualities – tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strong-willed and great strategic thinking – that I have need of at times and that the white wolf lacks. But the white wolf has compassion, caring, strength and the ability to recognize what is in the best interest of all.
“You see, son, the white wolf needs the black wolf at his side. To feed only one would starve the other and they will become uncontrollable. To feed and care for both means they will serve you well and do nothing that is not a part of something greater, something good, something of life. Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention. And when there is no battle inside, you can listen to the voices of deeper knowing that will guide you in choosing what is right in every circumstance. Peace, my son, is the Cherokee mission in life. A man or a woman who has peace inside has everything. A man or a woman who is pulled apart by the war inside him or her has nothing. “How you choose to interact with the opposing forces within you will determine your life. Starve one or the other or guide them both.”
–Cherokee Story
This story is different to the popular one that kills the dark wolf, and I’m glad I came across it as it makes sense and has a stronger ring of truth than the popular version. This is borne out in a post by Cherokee man, Michikinokwa, on Nicole’s website where he explained some of the significance of the story – “There are 7 clans under the Cherokee Nation. The wolf clan is the warrior clan. Warriors are not like soldiers or braves; they are protectors of the other clans, of the elderly, the women, the children, the innocent. There is much power and wisdom and guidance associated with the wolf.”
The “wolves” story is talking about internal spiritual management. In The Horseman’s Way, I explain how “Incorporeal Competence”, or in other words, the building of a real spiritual connection, is the ultimate achievement that we can get to through working with horses. Developed properly, Incorporeal Competence is the way we can create a partnership with all creatures on a meaningful level.
But this partnership doesn't start with the horse, it starts within us. In order to develop a conversation with horses, we must first of all begin by managing our own minds with what I call Humble Strength. That is controlling ourselves mentally with a strength of purpose, together with humility that willingly denies our ego, so that when we begin to lead others, be they horses or people, we can do so courageously with the Fearless Guidance that we must have so they can trust us fully.
What will this look like in practice? You will acknowledge the fearful, anxious thoughts as they swirl around your head, addressing the issues put forward by the dark wolf that are real potential problems. Then shift your focus to the tasks that need to be done to achieve the goal in front of you today.
Do this, then move forward letting your faith carry you through. In the words of Michikinokwa, “the Great Spirit or the Creator or God created the earth from which we are given all things. Things don't just fall in our laps, we must work for them.”
In closing, I would like to say just one more thing to those warriors, be they the courageous soldier or the fearless protector, who are working with me –
Keep going, I am so proud to be a fellow traveller with each of you who are on this journey with me.
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